Coping Strategies 101, Including Dinkage

It’s my third day back at work after losing the best guy in the world. We worked at the same place: they’re taking everything out of his office today.

Things are pretty stable, and also they are warmed-over hell.

And to cope with this, I’ve been discovering a range of strange(r than usual) behaviors:

  • DVD box sets. For life’s ordinary tragedies, I’ve always mainlined comedy. Obviously that’s of limited use here, but I’ve almost watched two seasons of How I Met Your Mother, which has served as background noise for a fair few nights when I can’t sleep without background sound.
  • The unhealthy ones. My sleep schedule is shot to hell. My appetite is inconsistent about everything except Pringles. I occasionally become obsessive about trying to do a good job at faking normalcy for the rest of my life, but for that you need energy, and that too is on a weird cycle. I also spent a couple of days mentally rating well-wishers on how fast I’d trade them in to have him back, which is probably vile.
  • The anal-retentive one. My new personal favorite: an obsessive need to dink with technology. I bought a Nabaztag/tag, hoping that it would take a while to configure, but it hooked up immediately. I’m evaluating my massive blog structure and may even fold this site into my horror-review site and oldest blog, Dracula’s Godchild, before all is said and done. I’m looking at new blog templates, preparing to pay the fee to import my old e-mail account into Gmail, and poring over Firefox skins. I even updated the Netvibes page I rarely use, adding a bunch of feeds and changing its name to “Embrace the Dorkness.”
  • The inadvertent. In preparation for helping out a friend, I stumbled across this interesting site, Virgin Money. It sounds like porn, but is actually mogul Richard Branson’s idea for managing loans among friends and family. For a fee they’ll do the paperwork, let you set interest rates, and so on. It’s not really useful for my purposes–this is for bigger loans, like car down payments or seed money for small businesses– but I thought it was interesting all the same.
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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. whiskers
    Oct 23, 2008 @ 01:54:24

    It is not vile to think about trading in innocent but rather meaningless well-wishers to have your friend back. Indeed, it’s the bargaining part of the steps of grief; very normal, very human. And the fact that you realize that you should not think that type of thought shows that you are not only human, but humane.

    At the risk of being pretty low on the trade in scale, I offer a few cliches: time will heal your heart, not completely, but a bit more every day. Also, I’m so sorry for your loss, (though I think I already posted that one on Apostrophina…)

    many hugs,
    Rebecca (whiskers)

    Reply

  2. Miss Twitch
    Oct 23, 2008 @ 02:02:41

    I really do appreciate it. It was certainly a weird feeling, though, since he worked at the same office, to hear the well-wishes of coworkers and think “Aw, that’s nice…yeah, I’d still throw you in a fiery pit, though.”

    Reply

  3. whiskers
    Oct 23, 2008 @ 02:17:29

    *snicker* yep, I’ve had the “fiery pit” thought myself on occasion. I had a friend once who I loved very much. However, he turned out to be a *insert slightly vulgar saying here* type of person. I still mourn what we had when we had it. Sometimes I even think about how I would give up all I’ve gained so far to have his love back. There are people that impact one’s life in a way that leaves it marked. It will never go back to how it was.

    That being said, it’s good you recognize that you are using coping mechanisms. Forward is the only healthy direction! (Especially as I love your sense of humor, and would miss it incredibly if it were not here).

    Reply

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